I was the formerly infertile mom who brought her beautiful kids into the fertility clinic.  Yup….and I made a bunch of angry infertiles wait while I had my blood drawn so that we could donate our embryos.  They looked at me with such disgust, scorn and disdain.  And I suppose I cannot blame them.  I knew the look in their eyes.  I had the very same look.  The “when is it going to be my turn” look. 

I can remember thinking, while sitting in the waiting room, what kind of a mean, hateful woman, would bring her kids with her, flaunting them to women who are desperate for their own children.  Today, I had no choice.  I didn’t want to be “that woman”.  But the women in line don’t know my story, they don’t know that the bloodwork I had done today will be so that another infertile couple have a chance to have their miracle.  They don’t know the immeasurable amount of tears that went into our miracle finally happening for us.  They don’t know that I have been where they are. 

I am sure some among the group thought that I was there because we were doing IVF again (being greedy).  Oh, if they only knew….neither of my kids slept last night.  They took turns screaming, and the hubby and I got no sleep.  No, I will not be doing IVF again.  Two is plenty….two is more than enough for me.

I sincerely hope that each of those women can forgive me, and I pray that their miracle happens for them.

  1. bee says:

    In honor of all us infertiles, I forgive you lol. I always try to think to myself of the women with babies, that I am happier to see them with children because they somehow deserve it more. You deserve to enjoy every second of motherhood! I know I will if I ever get the chance! Did you ever tell me what office you go to?

  2. Helene says:

    Kari, I’ve been on both sides of the fence as well. I remember when we were gearing up for our 2nd IVF (the one that failed miserably), there was a woman in the waiting room blabbing to another woman about her 4 other children and how she was shocked that she needed IVF to have her 5th child. And she was telling her also how she had skipped her progesterone suppositories because she just didn’t like them and didn’t feel they were necessary. I wanted to stab her in the eyes with the 22-gauge needle I had in my purse. I was just so bitter by that point.

    About 3 months after we had Cole and Bella, we went back to our clinic in Vegas to show our RE our new twins and have him take a picture with them (so we could point to the pic one day and say “he was our miracle worker”) and I remember getting many angry looks from some of the women waiting in the waiting room. I totally remembered being on that side of the fence and immediately I felt horrible. Thankfully, our RE came into the waiting room and said, “See these babies? This is why I love my job”. Those angry faces melted into smiles and tears.

    You don’t need forgiving by anyone. You don’t owe anyone explanations of what you’ve been through. For all they know, you could’ve been babysitting your sister’s twins, kwim? And what you’re doing by donating your embryos is a wonderful thing…a selfless thing…and I’m sure that in and of itself is emotionally difficult to do.

  3. pillarr1 says:

    I know exactly how you feel. I remember going through the 3rd or 4th cycle and there was a woman there with her 2 or 3 year old son. She was so damn smug and non shalant about the whole thing. I just remember wanting to slap her. She was just so outspoken and you could hear her throughout the whole room. No one paid any attention to her child. I think we were ALL just so upset by a child being there that we were afraid to say anything. I hated being in that waiting room. I know you did not want to upset anyone. I hope that everyone in that room will be where we are now.

    I did not do well with infertility. Avoiding women with children, avoiding children, avoiding everything family oriented. The bitterness consumed me for years. I think if I ever take my daughter into a fertility clinic, I will have my whole 4 year ordeal written on one of those body banners so that everyone in the room knows that I was where there are and that they CAN get to where I am now (with a lot of patience, heartache, money, and all of that stuff).

  4. Soralis says:

    Since I have been on both sides of the fence I can tell you both sides are just as difficult but for different reasons. If only we all wore buttons so that everyone in there knew what we have been through.

    When we went through Frozen and Fresh Cycles for our 2nd PG I did most of it on my own and was lucky that hubbys work was flexible enough to allow him to take the kids while I commuted 4 hours each way to our clinic. When we went through our fresh IVF we were lucky that an Aunt helped out with the kiddos. I remember sitting in the clinic for our second fresh cycle and some lady was in trying for baby #4. Hubby had taken over the waiting room with kid 1 through 3 and was letting them go wild and trying to calm them with Treehouse on the clinic TV. Then he went and saw his wife post transfer and left all the kids there. Then he dragged all the kids into the recovery room to see mommy too. There were kids running everywhere, toys, juice boxes all things kids. He had NO respect for the environment he was in, now that was awful.

    I’ll bet that your respect for others made your kids a lot easier to deal with! (and given that you had twins I am thinking that you probably gave hope to someone)

    I get what you mean though.. hugs and I think you should have a T-Shirt with Donor on it as that is AMAZING!

  5. Karen says:

    I have no choice than to bring my little one with. I feel just awful about it. I have been thru 3 IVF cyles….my third resulted in my son. Isaw this lady look at my son with such yearning…..the same way I looked at other children while struggling to get pregnant. I immediately started praying for her…..and have continued to everyday since then. I don’t know who she is…..but I feel as if she is dear to my heart. I understood.

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