Sad Times...
Image by Cesar R. via Flickr

I know that I have been too quiet.  Things around here are just too much for me to handle some days.  The babies are in their “we refuse to be restrained” phase, and are pretty much kicking my butt.  The hubby took yesterday off to give me a little bit of a break.  I really didn’t get one, but it was a nice gesture on his part.

I had a few days where my depression got the best of me.  I hate feeling like that.  It was 48 full, long hours of me in self-loathing, worst mother and person in the world, feeling like I was going to burst in to tears at any moment kind of a thing.  And I didn’t go off my meds or anything.  It just creeped up on me and felt so dark.  And then I woke up, and felt like I could deal with life again.  It has to be hormonal….I don’t know if there is any other way to explain it.

Our garden is pretty much shot.  We have had so much rain that the slugs…ewwwwww….took over and pretty much ate everything.  I got a dew radishes, and a few peas, but the cucumbers, cauliflower, onions, peppers and cilantro are gone.  We might try again.  I don’t know.  I just hate slugs more than anything in the world.  The slugs won!

My parents are back home on Saturday.  That means at least I can have someone to talk to other than the hubby.  It also means that I can drop the kids off for an hour or two and have some me time.  I know, that sounds selfish, but really, the last week and a half without having my parents around has been so difficult.  I didn’t realize how much they really do help me out with the twins.

We were hoping to have a date night this week, but that isn’t going to happen.  Our sitter is busy and I will not make my parents watch the kids after being in the car for 7+ hours.  So, it, like many things in my life, will have to wait.

I guess the only real bright spot is that we have found a home for the frosties.  The family is “ready to go” and maybe everything that happened was for a reason.  I was really upset about the other family.  But this family, well, it seems that all of the stars have aligned.  Oh, and her name is the same as my sister’s…just spelled differently.  Is that weird or what?  My sister’s name is not at all common.

I have a metric ton of laundry to put away while the kids are taking their nap.  I just wanted to let anyone who is still reading know that I am alive and still somehow, by the grace of God, keeping my head above water.

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Comments
  1. Caryn says:

    Hi Kari –
    I have been a “lurker” for a while…not quite sure how I came across your blog a bit ago… but I love reading it!
    You and I have some things in common — the number one thing being that we both have boy/girl twins!
    I can SO relate to so much of what you write… like today’s post. Been feeling like that lately as well.
    Wish we lived closer (I am in Chicago) … as we could hang out! It seems – from what you write and how I feel – we’d get along great!
    Just wanted to say hi – email if you feel up to it!
    Take care –
    Caryn

  2. cat says:

    Oh girl, that bloody dark horse that just creeps up on you! You know, raising kids (and twins) are tough and I also find myself tearful and frustrated sometimes. And I wish I had a mom and dad close where I could leave the kids for an hour or two. We deserve it!

  3. It’s nice to hear from you again. Glad your still treading water. I think the twins are harder to raise now than they were before they could walk. Because now they are constantly getting into mischief, climbing on furniture, and pulling things off the kitchen counter, and they can reach the stove…. egad! It’s really non-stop.

  4. Kari says:

    Yah, was wondering where you took off to! =) Glad you’re back!

    I know how you feel about the depression thing… I had TERRIBLE postpartum depression after the babies were born (hear it’s worse with twins… hormones, double the amount of work, …). I finally decided to go off the meds just because I hate taking any kind of medication. I had some really ROUGH days, but it’s getting better. I’m sure part of it’s due to the great sunshine we’ve had here in CA! I hate the winter and the blues that come with it! I’ve decided that if we’re crazy enough to have more children, I’d go on meds about 6 weeks before the baby (singular please!!!) is born. I hear that’s what they do with women who have already been “diagnosed” with postpartum in the past. Wow, I just went on forever…

    Anyway, I hope things get better. Sometimes you scare me because one day I’ll be in your same shoes! 😛

    ~Kari =)

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