Archive for the ‘loss’ Category

The kids slept through the night.  Without a middle of the night bottle.  I am so proud of them.  And I think I know what did it.  They have full run of Grandma and Grandpa‘s house.  They are expending tons of energy.  And yesterday, They only each got a cat nap.

They are in baby jail right now, and they are “lounging”. I think they are still tired. (tee hee hee).

I spent the day at my parent’s house yesterday.  The kitchen remodeler was here.  I sure wish they would have told me that they were taking out my kitchen sinkon the first day.    have planned things a little differently.  So, I will be using plastic or paper cups since I really don’t want to wash dishes in the bathtub.  I will take the kids’ bottles to my parent’s house and run them through the dishwasher.  I also do not have any counter tops, or drawers, or doors on my cabinets.  The kitchen just looks weird…..

The hubby has decided to stay out in North Dakota until Friday.  My father in law is still hanging in there.  They had him on some kind of “CPAP” thing and had him intubated.  They took him off of that yesterday and the old man sat up out of bed.  He is just on oxygenthrough a nasal cannula right now.  He keeps stretching his arms out for hugs.  He pointed right at the hubby so at least there is some degree of recognition and appropriate response.  The doctors still don’t know what is going on.  They want to watch him for another day or two, and then they will see how he is doing.

The best part of all of this, if there is a positive, is that the hubby is seeing family that he hasn’t seen in 20 years.  He reconnecting with a family that he pretty much walked away from.  He is the only one that made it out.  Everyone else stayed.  And there is nothing wrong with that, I guess.   I just can’t imagine having the whole world out there, and staying in Fargo my entire life.  I have been blessed that I was able to travel when I was young, and then as part of a job, and on my own as a hobby.  I have been to the UK, Mexico, and Canada.  I have been to 49 of the 50 states.  I have been there and done that and I have no regrets.

But I miss my hubby.  I didn’t sleep well at all the last two nights.  I might even miss his snoring.  It is just not the same when he isn’t around.  He did call me about a dozen times yesterday….I can’t wait to pick him up at the airport and give him the biggest hug.  I feel very helpless right now when it comes to finding ways to support him.

I am hanging in there.  All the prayers and well wishes are greatly appreciated.

Oh…. and here are some pictures of the kitchen so far…..


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Crowned Lily
Image by Creativity+ Timothy K Hamilton via Flickr

My kids will never get to meet their other grandfather.  He is dying.  He is comatose with very low blood pressure, and is somehow, still bleeding internally.  The home that he lived in (which is the North Dakota Soldier’s home) was administering all of him meds at the same time, rather than spacing the dosages out. When they scoped him, the found whole pills, that they could still identify.  That is what may have caused all the ulcers.  He had one good day and then was vomitting blood and became unresponsive.  He is getting blood transfusions, and is on dopamine, but there are no heroic efforts.  They are not transferring him to the “main” hospital in Fargo.

So this is the end.  Rest in Peace.

At 4 am, my father picked up my husband and drove him to the Philadelphia airport.  He had a 6:20 am flight to Minneapolis and then a puddle jumper  to Fargo.  There are NO direct flights to Fargo.

My husband doesn’t want to be there. Not even a little bit.  I just hope that he makes it to see his father alive.  His sister is picking him up at the airport and is even letting him use one of her cars, so we don’t have to spend a mint on a rental.  Believe it or not, the airport sold out of rental cars. So, Deb has been a real blessing.

The hubby just wants me there.  And I wish there was someway I could have gone.  But the kitchen remodel starts  tomorrow.  And the kids are too much for Mom and Dad to handle for 3 days.  We have to work up to that.

So I am home alone, with 2 kids, and three dogs….and I am sad.  I know that this is hurting the hubby more than he is showing.  I am sad because my kids will never meet him. I sad that I can’t be there for my hubby when he needs me. I am sad that the hubby is only spending 3 days out there.  His  father may linger.  And I know that he won’t go back for the funeral. 

Crappy monday….and I am out of coffee.


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