Archive for the ‘depression’ Category

LONDON, ENGLAND - MARCH 25: In this photo illu...
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to exclude “negative” influences in my life (both in real life and online…i.e.facebook)

If I want to be stabbed in the back, I will mount a knife to a door and back into it myself.  I certainly don’t need so-called “friends” lining up to do it.

So I have “blocked” negative influences and I feel better about it.  Several of them know about my blog and if they decide that it is still any of their business to read this, that is on them.  If they are that desperate for rumor fodder….I will just pray for them.  I live in a small town and there is no real practical way to escape from all the small town “bitty hens”.

Sorry, I did not intend for this post to come across as being so negative…..

I must be in one of my moods……

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Well, I got up this morning and did my hair, despite the forecasters warning that today would not be a good hair day.  Hey, at least I tried.  I am not sitting in my parent’s living room wearing a visor that I am pretty sure my nephew left here.  I arrived at my parent house in a deluge of some of the heaviest rain I have seen in a long time.  Well, the hair couldn’t be saved…..

My parents are driving to Massachusetts and I am sitting with my Grandmother.  It is really kind of sad.  It seems like she is just sitting around waiting to die.  She asked me earlier if these “were my kids?”  Ummm, yeah….These are my kids, Grandma…….I mean…she is 95 but seems to be fading faster and faster all the time.  I don’t ever want to get that old.

Meanwhile,  I am still trying to figure out how to get all the movies of the babies off of my harddrive on my video camera.  I want to burn them to DVD.  So far, I haven’t had much luck.

Tomorrow, I am having an electrician (friend) come in to install the ceiling fan.  The hubby took one look at it and it was “over his head” and he didn’t want to short out the rest of the house.  Electricity has never been his strong suit.  I remember one time when we were first dating and he was talking to me on the phone while trying to wire some lights in the basement.  Well, something went buzz and he flew halfway across the basement, while I was on the phone with him.

Yeah…..

We did go to Dorney Park and had a good time.  The kids enjoyed it.  The hubby, not so much.  He doesn’t like rides. so he spent most of the day holding the bags of stuff that we dragged around instead of paying $15 to rent a locker for 4 hours…….but I did manage to get some sun, and am sporting some tan lines for the first time this year.

It has been nearly two weeks since my last post. Some days, in my few minutes of free time, I try to think of what I could write about and as of late, we have gotten ourselves into a pretty good routine.

Routine….
up at 6 am, feed, play nap, feed, play, nap, feed, play, nap, feed play, nap, bed.

That’s it.
That is my life.

Oh yeah, and washing bottles and doing laundry.

Some days, I will admit, I feel like a prisoner in my own home.

I don’t have family here. I don’t have a real support system apart from my husband (who works very long hours) and sometimes I feel like I am just going to lose it.

Daniel has been scratching his face. I tried my darnedest to trim his nails yesterday and the little guy wouldn’t let me do it. I actually yelled at him. I feel awful about it. So the boy is wearing a sock on his left hand.

Yesterday, Melissa wanted anyone but me to hold her. I was convinced that she hated me. Our friends, Keith and Joann came over and she was all smiles and all kinds of sweet with both of them and with Daddy. Mommy tries to hold her and she FREAKS.

I am tired. Alot. Maybe it is a lack of fresh air, maybe I am just thinking that being a stay at home mom is a heck of a lot harder than I ever imagined it.

When the kids were tiny, it was easy. Feed, change, burp and back to sleep. Now, they will go 5-6 hours where they are wanting to be CONSTANTLY entertained. I am wiped.

We are going to try to journey out to Walmart and Costco today… maybe just getting out of the house with them will help.