making a decision

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to exclude “negative” influences in my life (both in real life and online…i.e.facebook)

If I want to be stabbed in the back, I will mount a knife to a door and back into it myself.  I certainly don’t need so-called “friends” lining up to do it.

So I have “blocked” negative influences and I feel better about it.  Several of them know about my blog and if they decide that it is still any of their business to read this, that is on them.  If they are that desperate for rumor fodder….I will just pray for them.  I live in a small town and there is no real practical way to escape from all the small town “bitty hens”.

Sorry, I did not intend for this post to come across as being so negative…..

I must be in one of my moods……

Time

Time seems to be flying by so quickly.  I feel like I am just going in circles all day everyday. 

The kids are growing and changing so fast.  Yesterday, Daniel decided to pour an entire box of Cheerios on the living room floor.  Yeah!  The dogs loved it!  I, however was not as impressed with his trick or the 5 poopy diapers he produced yesterday. 

And then, at nap time…. Melissa strips totally nude, Daniel strips from the waist down, and the both discard everything from their cribs.  I guess they needed more space to dance and jump around. 

And this morning, they woke up at 4:30 am.  It is an ungodly hour, even for them.  Sure, I could blame the hubby for making too much noise in the bathroom, or blame the new teeth attempting to press through my children’s upper and lower jaws, but I think they got up because they could….and they wanted to…willful little monsters!!!! 

I am sick with a cold so automatically, I am miserable.   I am stressing out due to situations beyond my control.  I am sleep deprived.  I am a mommy to toddlers!

Crossroads….

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So, I sought out a job.  I interviewed and was hired on the spot.  It isn’t much.  Working in the mailroom at a famous catalog company that sells a lot of “As Seen On TV” stuff.  It is temporary.  It is part time.  My mother has agreed to watch the kids during the four hours I work Monday through Friday.

So, why am I not excited?  Why do I want to call them and decline their offer (the day before I start)?  Why am I doubting my abilities?  Why am I convinced that something bad will happen?

I have asked friends (via facebook, of course) what they think and everyone is telling me to give it a try.

But I feel like I have so much on my plate now.

I am on a new medication on top of the pro.zac and we still don’t know how that is going to work.  I am having good and “very” bad days.  The kids are full on crazy most of the time.  My house is like a 25 lb bag stuffed with 50 lbs of crap….and I am still giving stuff away on freecycle.org (including 2 double strollers this week alone).

Maybe it is because I have been out of work for more than two years.  Maybe it is that I just needed to know that I “could” get a job.

I am so confused and don’t know what my next move should be.  Do I have what it takes to work again and still try to raise my babies, keep my house clean, cook for all of us and keep my husband happy?

Any thoughts?  Anyone still reading?  I know, I am the worst blogger ever……

My get up and go…

got up and went.  I have no energy to day at all.  The kids slept through the night, I slept well, except for some really weird dreams, and the kids are being good today.  The sun is out but somehow, I am in a funk.

My mother is recovering.  She is still really sore but is hanging in there.  Dad and my nephew are off to Old City Philadelphiafor a historic tour.  Mom and my niece are home making people out of toilet paper and paper towel rolls.  The kids are coming over tonight for supper.  This should be interesting.  I really need to shake this funk.

I am still shaking my head about all the press coverage on MJ’s death, Farrah’s death and now Billy Mays.  Poor Patrick Swayze is probably getting very nervous.  I just want to watch something else on TV other than celebrity death.

I have lots of pictures to post of both our trip on the Choo Choo and the baby skunks that are wondering our block.  Tomorrow, the kids are coming back over to go swimming and then Wednesday, we are going to the Crayolafactory.  So I will probably post a ton of picutres on thursday.

Oh, and I got my new phone.  I love it.  I will miss my blackberry and mobile tweeting, but I love having a camera phone again.  Oh, and it saves us more than $30 per month, so it’s really a good thing!

 

ER Finale and other stuff…

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The ER wrap up show that they did nearly had me in tears.  I swear that up until this last season, I have seen every single episode.  It was just to stinkin’ hard to stay awake with my children’s (lack of) sleep habits.   I still watch the reruns every day on TNT.  I thought it was well produced but I was very disappointed that they didn’t get feedback or interview some of the original characters….your know…nurses…..(nurses are NEVER appreciated in real life so why should it be different on TV?) that had been on the show since the very beginning.

Like Helene, I was glad that they humanized Dr. Benton.  Although, to me, Eriq LaSalle isn’t aging well.  He looked “sick” to me. 

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I was also kind of sad that Dr. Carter really didn’t get any closure with his wife.  She seemed really heavily on the bitchy side.  I can understand that she still feels the loss of their son, but at some point, you have to not let that define who you are otherwise you will live your life only consumed by grief.

 

I will miss the show.  But the teaser that they showed for Southlandlooked great.  Looks like a series I could get into.  I like cop showsin general and my hubby will tell you that I am a Law and Order, CSI, and Cops JUNKIE!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

As far as the buggy pasta goes…..

I did call and the company stated that the infestation is in the distribution center and the pasta must have been improperly stored.  Of course, the thought that these little buggers are now reproducing in my cupboards really gets my skin crawling.  Thank goodness that everything else in that particular cupboard are all canned goods.

And they are sending me coupons…..not sure that I will use them.  Fool me once, shame on you, fool me you won’t get fooled again.  Sorry….had to throw that in….