making a decision

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

to exclude “negative” influences in my life (both in real life and online…i.e.facebook)

If I want to be stabbed in the back, I will mount a knife to a door and back into it myself.  I certainly don’t need so-called “friends” lining up to do it.

So I have “blocked” negative influences and I feel better about it.  Several of them know about my blog and if they decide that it is still any of their business to read this, that is on them.  If they are that desperate for rumor fodder….I will just pray for them.  I live in a small town and there is no real practical way to escape from all the small town “bitty hens”.

Sorry, I did not intend for this post to come across as being so negative…..

I must be in one of my moods……

It’s Groundhog Day!!!

Cover of Groundhog Day (Special Edition)

and I don’t really care what the furry little rodent sees.  My life is pretty much like Bill Murray‘s is in the movie Groundhog Day. I wake up the same, I go to bed the same.  Somewhere in the middle is a series of mild disasters, a few tears (mine and the Twinkies), some growling (me and the dogs), some food (mostly for the Twinkies) and there we are.

Although I live in Pennsylvania, I live about as far away from Punxsutawney as you can get and still be in the Keystone State.  They are a different breed up there….(and that is all I am going to say about that)  And, while I am on the subject,  I don’t even want to know hoe “Gobbler’s Knob” got it name.  Really….talk about TMI (too much information).  I have nothing against groundhogs in general.  I love animals.  I think PETA suggesting that they use and animatronics version of Phil is a bit much…ok…it is down right stupid.  The people up there worship “Phil The Groundhog”.  He lives better than I did when I was in college!!!

My day yesterday was wonderful.  I am not going into much detail about that, but it was just what the doctor ordered.  And besides that, I actually sorted and folded socks, and hung up laundry.  Yeah, I was in a pretty darn good mood to do that and then ADMIT it on my blog.

Daniel was a little fussy in the night.  He keeps putting his hands over his ears and screaming.  I am not sure if it is because he is getting the 2 year molars, he has the start of an ear infection, or even he thinks that his screaming and squealing is too loud (the boy can blow out an eardrum!).  Having never had 2 year old before…. I am asking all those mommies out there who have walked down this path to shed some insight…..

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too damn hot…

okay…the heat index is 105 degrees.  This is nuts!  It is too hot to do ANYTHING!  I did manage to get 30 minutes of Wii in this morning, but that was only because I had the fan and the air condtioner blowing directly on me.

The good news is that my parents are on their way back from Maine.  My niece and nephew and the hubby and I are going to Dorney Park and Wildwater kingdom on Wednesday.  Tonight, the hubby will be going to the doctor’s appointment with me…to talk about my ppd or whatever it is……and is off tomorrow.  We are going to “Rice‘s Market” ( a kind of huge flea market) up in Bucks County early in the morning and then installing a new ceiling fan when we get back.  It is going to be so nice to have the free babysitting services of my parents again…..

Major bummer….I just opened a can of diet pepsi and it is flat….yuck!  Do I call Pepsi and gripe?  Maybe……

Yesterday was the 7th anniversary of when the hubby and I got together…someday I will have to write down the whole story, but will password protect it…….it’s not what you think at all………it is really bizarre.

Anyway, trying not to melt…….the kids just want to play outside, but like the title of this post….it’s too damn hot!

 

Hump Day Plus One…

And the weather is going to be absolute crap today.  So, the kids are stuck in the house.  Yesterday, we went out to play at least three times and poof…they went to bed without a fuss, and SLEPT ALL NIGHT!  It was great.  I got to sleep in until after 8 am….that in itself is a friggin’ miracle.  There is nothing better than getting to wake up on my own….no noise, no alarm, no hubby (he left for work at 3 am…taking my car, since his wouldn’t start), and then getting the babies up without having to pick up poop everywhere.

I have an appointment to see my GP on Monday night.  He wants to talk about my ppd meds.  I am sure he is going to try to ween me off but I know that I am not ready.  I actually do better and feel better on a higher dose.  I guess I was supposed to go back in December, but I don’t remember him telling me that.  I emailed in a prescription refill request and one of the nurses called back to say he needed to see me.  Okay….so….I will go.  My life is no easier than it was last fall.  As a matter of fact, it may just be more difficult and I have not developed the coping skills to keep everything in check all the time with the twins.

My parents return from Maine on Monday too……..YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I miss them.  My entire family is in Maine right now, and I am stuck here. Boo hoo…….  Maybe next year we will be brave and take the kids. (not likely!)

I am still freecycling like a madwoman….but I am getting rid of lots of stuff.  Oh and I am still Wii-ing.  I love it!  It is my guilty pleasure.

I did get some pictures of the kids yesterday….they are getting so big!!!

and my work here is done…..

I told you, GIMMIE!!!!!

No really, Gimmie!

Gimmie!

I really like the bubbles….

it’s all about the bubbles…

the great big world outside our yard

But I am too cute to get mad at….

I just broke Daddy’s sunglasses. Oops!

 

Breaking the silence

We are home.  Safely.  With two sick children who managed to pick up some kind of nasty upper respiratory infection.  It landed Daniel in the Emergency room at 1:30 am on Wednesday morning.  I pulled almost a 24 hour day from leaving Fargo, flying through Chicago, getting in to Philly and then getting Daniel over to the hospital.  Not a fun time I have to tell you.

The kids are recovering.  They each still have some coughing and snotty little noses, but the worst part has been that their sleep cycle is ALL OVER THE PLACE.  I was up most of the night Wednesday night, then last night, I was up 12:30 am until nearly 3am with them.  They don’t seem to know what is up or down and I am right there with them.

Thank you for all the kind thoughts and prayers for our family.  Things went a lot better than I thought they would.  We did get to see my father in law before the cremation.  We had a wake for him in Wolcott, North Dakota (which is as small as it sounds).  I got to meet the other half of my family and I love them.  For a hot minute, I tried to imagine us living there.  But then I thought of the winters, the fact that my family is all here and I have been waiting for just that.  The idea of packing up and heading out west is just not something I can wrap my brain around right now.  But it is beautiful country…and the people are so stinking nice.  I mean everybody.  I wonder how my hubby can be so cranky when he came from a place like that, filled with cheerful, laid back people.  Maybe he has been east for too long.

We saw where the residents of Fargo fought the flood of the Red River this past spring.  It was pretty neat.  We also got to walk along Broadway, which could be the main street in any town in America.

Oh, and we ate, and we drank, and we laughed…..and we brought 1/3 of the ashes home with us.  I have no clue what we are going to do with them, but since my B-I-L had no idea what he was doing when he made the arrangements, nor did he show up to see his father, or family, we came home with “dad”.

The weather was great there until Tuesday and we started to wonder if we were going to be able to fly out.  We put “dad” in the suitcase.  Well, that added several pounds to our weight and put us over United Airlines weight for bags.  We were not prepared or willing to pay $125 extra…on top of the $20 bag fee….so “dad” rode in the over head bin…..

The hubby is back to work today and we are trying very hard to get back into some kind of a routine.   I have lots of fmaily pictures, but will post them later…….

Shhhh……can you keep a secret?

Don’t tell the hubby, but I bought a new phone today.

I got an LG enV.  It’s used, but in great condition.

I found it on zendoo.com.

Oh…and I bought myself a little treat from Great Cakes Soap Works.  It is the new Skin Glow Moisturizer that I was lucky enough to help test a few weeks back.  This stuff is THE BEST.  Better than my old love, Philosophy Hope In A Jar.  Stop over at Amy’s place and check it out if you get a chance.

I managed to get my running around done and now am just waiting for the hubs to get home so I can go to the gym.  It was pouring rain this morning while I was loading the kids in the cart at Wally Mart.  melissa thought it was funny.  Daniel….not so much…..

But we made it.

Anybody have any idea how to build an ark?  We might need it before too long.

Refusal

Image by Natalia Gustafson via Flickr

Today I feel strong.

I refuse to be in a funk.

I have the day planned out, and despite the forecast of yet more rain and storms, I have every intention of doing what I need to do today.

I just made waffles(that was a disaster…but that is another story for another blog post), got the kids up, folded laundry, got myself dressed, made me a big ol’ pot of cinnamon swirl coffeeand am doing a quick post before I (wrestle the kids to the ground and try to) dress them.

We are off to Super Wally Mart….you know, the kind with the grocery store in it……then it is off to Mom and Dad‘s to drop everything off.  Then back home, hopefully for naps.  Then when the hubby gets home, I plan on going over to the gym to workout.

And to top it off….I have a song stuck in my head…..

Remember Pretty Woman……..and the song “King of Wishful Thinking” (ok…it may be the dumbest video ever made), but the line that keeps sticking is:

I refuse to give in to my blues
That’s not how it’s going to be

And I deny the tears in my eyes
I don’t want to let you see.. no

Darn music from 1990 whatever the heck year it was….it was a long time ago……

So there is light at the end of the tunnel.  The kids are even sort of, somewhat, kind of, behaving a little bit this morning.  There have been no tears….yet.

Miffed….kind of….

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

So, I decided to call the embryo adoption facilitator today to just check in and see what was going on witht he status of the adoptive couple and the frosties.  If you remember, I had to run and get a ton of blood work done to suit the specifics that their lab required.  I had to do this with the twins in tow.  The couple did reimburse me for the blood work and they were essentially all set to take possession of the frosties in April or May.  So, here it is in June and I have heard nothing.

Well, as it turn out…they tried “something different”.  And they are pregnant.  Good for them.  But, the original agreement was that they were going to pay for the storage costs of the frosties.  Now, they want to keep us “on the back burner” in case this pregnancy fails.  We have been paying $125 per quarter since 4/07.  This does add up and we were going to just pay off the credit card that the storage is being billed to.  But, it is really going to be up to these folks if they decided to honor their original agreement.

It also leaves us with frosties again and the search for another family.

I want to be happy for them.  I really do.  But at the same time, I am miffed.  They were all about our frosties.  And then poof!  I am not sure what I am supposed to be feeling.  Our second choice family is pregnant too.

At least the facilitator is on our side.  She has sentthe email requesting that they abide by their original agreement.

grrrr……

Hump Day

The kids slept through the night.  Without a middle of the night bottle.  I am so proud of them.  And I think I know what did it.  They have full run of Grandma and Grandpa‘s house.  They are expending tons of energy.  And yesterday, They only each got a cat nap.

They are in baby jail right now, and they are “lounging”. I think they are still tired. (tee hee hee).

I spent the day at my parent’s house yesterday.  The kitchen remodeler was here.  I sure wish they would have told me that they were taking out my kitchen sinkon the first day.    have planned things a little differently.  So, I will be using plastic or paper cups since I really don’t want to wash dishes in the bathtub.  I will take the kids’ bottles to my parent’s house and run them through the dishwasher.  I also do not have any counter tops, or drawers, or doors on my cabinets.  The kitchen just looks weird…..

The hubby has decided to stay out in North Dakota until Friday.  My father in law is still hanging in there.  They had him on some kind of “CPAP” thing and had him intubated.  They took him off of that yesterday and the old man sat up out of bed.  He is just on oxygenthrough a nasal cannula right now.  He keeps stretching his arms out for hugs.  He pointed right at the hubby so at least there is some degree of recognition and appropriate response.  The doctors still don’t know what is going on.  They want to watch him for another day or two, and then they will see how he is doing.

The best part of all of this, if there is a positive, is that the hubby is seeing family that he hasn’t seen in 20 years.  He reconnecting with a family that he pretty much walked away from.  He is the only one that made it out.  Everyone else stayed.  And there is nothing wrong with that, I guess.   I just can’t imagine having the whole world out there, and staying in Fargo my entire life.  I have been blessed that I was able to travel when I was young, and then as part of a job, and on my own as a hobby.  I have been to the UK, Mexico, and Canada.  I have been to 49 of the 50 states.  I have been there and done that and I have no regrets.

But I miss my hubby.  I didn’t sleep well at all the last two nights.  I might even miss his snoring.  It is just not the same when he isn’t around.  He did call me about a dozen times yesterday….I can’t wait to pick him up at the airport and give him the biggest hug.  I feel very helpless right now when it comes to finding ways to support him.

I am hanging in there.  All the prayers and well wishes are greatly appreciated.

Oh…. and here are some pictures of the kitchen so far…..

Father In Law

Image by Creativity+ Timothy K Hamilton via Flickr

My kids will never get to meet their other grandfather.  He is dying.  He is comatose with very low blood pressure, and is somehow, still bleeding internally.  The home that he lived in (which is the North Dakota Soldier’s home) was administering all of him meds at the same time, rather than spacing the dosages out. When they scoped him, the found whole pills, that they could still identify.  That is what may have caused all the ulcers.  He had one good day and then was vomitting blood and became unresponsive.  He is getting blood transfusions, and is on dopamine, but there are no heroic efforts.  They are not transferring him to the “main” hospital in Fargo.

So this is the end.  Rest in Peace.

At 4 am, my father picked up my husband and drove him to the Philadelphia airport.  He had a 6:20 am flight to Minneapolis and then a puddle jumper  to Fargo.  There are NO direct flights to Fargo.

My husband doesn’t want to be there. Not even a little bit.  I just hope that he makes it to see his father alive.  His sister is picking him up at the airport and is even letting him use one of her cars, so we don’t have to spend a mint on a rental.  Believe it or not, the airport sold out of rental cars. So, Deb has been a real blessing.

The hubby just wants me there.  And I wish there was someway I could have gone.  But the kitchen remodel starts  tomorrow.  And the kids are too much for Mom and Dad to handle for 3 days.  We have to work up to that.

So I am home alone, with 2 kids, and three dogs….and I am sad.  I know that this is hurting the hubby more than he is showing.  I am sad because my kids will never meet him. I sad that I can’t be there for my hubby when he needs me. I am sad that the hubby is only spending 3 days out there.  His  father may linger.  And I know that he won’t go back for the funeral. 

Crappy monday….and I am out of coffee.