making a decision

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to exclude “negative” influences in my life (both in real life and online…i.e.facebook)

If I want to be stabbed in the back, I will mount a knife to a door and back into it myself.  I certainly don’t need so-called “friends” lining up to do it.

So I have “blocked” negative influences and I feel better about it.  Several of them know about my blog and if they decide that it is still any of their business to read this, that is on them.  If they are that desperate for rumor fodder….I will just pray for them.  I live in a small town and there is no real practical way to escape from all the small town “bitty hens”.

Sorry, I did not intend for this post to come across as being so negative…..

I must be in one of my moods……

Ewwww gross….San Gioorgio Pasta = worms!

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Did I mention that for the second time in a year, I found worms in my San Giorgio pasta.   It was their elbow macaroni.  Yes, worms.  They look like little tiny mealworms but apparently they are  weevils. And I love my carbs as much as the next girl, no way am I eating that pasta.  I called New World Pasta for a second time to complain because I had actually purchased this box with coupons that they sent me the last time.  They offered to send more coupons, but I think I am sticking to Barilla pastas in the future.  I am just a little too grossed out……

Hump Day

The kids slept through the night.  Without a middle of the night bottle.  I am so proud of them.  And I think I know what did it.  They have full run of Grandma and Grandpa‘s house.  They are expending tons of energy.  And yesterday, They only each got a cat nap.

They are in baby jail right now, and they are “lounging”. I think they are still tired. (tee hee hee).

I spent the day at my parent’s house yesterday.  The kitchen remodeler was here.  I sure wish they would have told me that they were taking out my kitchen sinkon the first day.    have planned things a little differently.  So, I will be using plastic or paper cups since I really don’t want to wash dishes in the bathtub.  I will take the kids’ bottles to my parent’s house and run them through the dishwasher.  I also do not have any counter tops, or drawers, or doors on my cabinets.  The kitchen just looks weird…..

The hubby has decided to stay out in North Dakota until Friday.  My father in law is still hanging in there.  They had him on some kind of “CPAP” thing and had him intubated.  They took him off of that yesterday and the old man sat up out of bed.  He is just on oxygenthrough a nasal cannula right now.  He keeps stretching his arms out for hugs.  He pointed right at the hubby so at least there is some degree of recognition and appropriate response.  The doctors still don’t know what is going on.  They want to watch him for another day or two, and then they will see how he is doing.

The best part of all of this, if there is a positive, is that the hubby is seeing family that he hasn’t seen in 20 years.  He reconnecting with a family that he pretty much walked away from.  He is the only one that made it out.  Everyone else stayed.  And there is nothing wrong with that, I guess.   I just can’t imagine having the whole world out there, and staying in Fargo my entire life.  I have been blessed that I was able to travel when I was young, and then as part of a job, and on my own as a hobby.  I have been to the UK, Mexico, and Canada.  I have been to 49 of the 50 states.  I have been there and done that and I have no regrets.

But I miss my hubby.  I didn’t sleep well at all the last two nights.  I might even miss his snoring.  It is just not the same when he isn’t around.  He did call me about a dozen times yesterday….I can’t wait to pick him up at the airport and give him the biggest hug.  I feel very helpless right now when it comes to finding ways to support him.

I am hanging in there.  All the prayers and well wishes are greatly appreciated.

Oh…. and here are some pictures of the kitchen so far…..

And This Is What Happened Today

1) I paid Mom and Dad’s contractor.  Done.

2) I went to the gym.  Had a great workout.

3) Drove to the new house to take hubby something to eat.

4) Saw house and realized that hubby would be there all day.

5) Spoke to Mom and Dad as they were getting on the road, driving east, across the state of Pennsylvania.

6) Took a bath when the kids were “napping”*

7) *Kids did not nap, but Daniel did remove his diaper and peed all over his crib.

8) Took laundry to basement to discover that an entire bottle of tide had tipped over into a basket of clean, dry, folded clothing.  Decided that washing stinky sheets and blankets way more important than trying to rescue my clothes.  Daniel needs something to keep warm tonight, and I can always use an excuse to buy new clothes….(or new to me…since I am the queen of thrift, second hand, and consignment).

9) Got “deposed” by the  insurance company of the (long,stringy blond haired, sweat pant wearing, trailer trash…and yes, she lives in a trailer)woman who backed her car into mine at the wal.mart yesterday.  Her version of what happened is ever so different than mine.  I told her insurance company’s adjusted that she was telling a bold-faced lie.  So next week, a field adjuster will come out sometime next week to look at the damage she did to my car.  That should be fun considering that we have an allergy appointment for Daniel and I have a mammogram appointment.  You know they will show up at the worst time.

10) My parents are finally going to be close to me.  Close to my babies.  I am very happy.

yes, 2 posts in less than an hour….she must be joking right?

Well, yesterday was just peachy.  I got a ton of stuff accomplished outside of the house, although the inside of the house looks like a FEMA response area.

We (me and the monsters) got up and went to home depot….we got a new ceiling fan for mom and dad’s bedroom as the existing fan is just about the biggest fire hazard in the world.  So…from there, we made the 12 mile drive and dropped the fan off at the house.

I must have been feeling very brave or something….but we went to super wal.mart.  I loaded the kids in to one cart, which I never do and went in to the foyer.  The only “double cart” they had not only was missing a strap, it had a broke connector on the waist band too.  So, being the B*ITCH that I am, I complained to the store manager.  I advised that IF my child fell out of the seat and got hurt, I would sue the crap of of walmart and her, since I had brought the poor conditions of the cart to her attention.  She advised that they had “ordered” new straps and that they should be arriving any time.  Apparently, they do safety audits (cough cough bull*hit)…… Anyway, I got to vent and chew up at 20 some year old manager…which my hubby knows is my favorite thing to do.

I was the Queen of Retail…..I was a Manager.  If you can handle me, you can handle everything.  Because if the mood strikes I will pick you, your product, your service, your food, your attitude, your family, and your car apart.  I am the kind of person that can find a regional manager’s home phone number and call them in the middle of the night to tell him all about what a horrible experience I had in your store and how I may be left with nothing to do but contact the media.

Yeah….I’m a B*ITCH!!!!!!!!!!!

So, After we got home, the kids went down for a nap…and shhhhh….don’t tell…..so did I.

I had my first live yoga class last night.  I was the youngest person there by at least 15 years.  It wasn’t as advanced as I thought it would be and I realized that I am more flexible than most people.  How cool is that??? So I have 4 more Friday Night dates with the yoga gang,  There was a lot of breathing and meditation but I would have liked more stretching…..oh well….that is what Namaste Yoga is for…I did feel great when I got home.

I want to try to get to the gym today and also over to Trader Joes…..they lave langostino lobsters on sale…..Yummmo!

Maybe a little TMI….

The kids are fine.  Well, as fine as you can be when you wake up caked in snot….. poor little Melissa.  And let me just tell you how much they love having their noses wiped or sucked out.  They have both mastered the art of the “gator roll” and will try to roll away from any tissue or aspirator.  They are both so stinkin’ strong.  I suppose that is great considering they were so little and premature.  But what the heck am I going to do when they have a tantrum when they are two or three years old.  They are a real handful now….I think I am going to be in trouble.

Note:

I must be the world’s worst mother….my babies ate stove top stuffing for supper last night.  They love it.  They fed themselves.  Not really the healthiest meal in the world……..

And for other news:

Both my hubby and my mother have been asking me what they can get me for Christmas.  I had a couple ideas…..

1) a new pair of cowboy boots (square toe).  I had a real nice pair a few years ago, but Sasha decided that they were tasty and ate one of them when she was a puppy.

2) A phillies Hoody sweatshirt or jersey or tickets for a game next season.

3) A gym membership to a place close to the house that has childcare for $10 per kid per month.  I want something for me.  Something that will constructively get me out of the house to do something other than grocery shopping.

Believe it or not, the 3rd one caused yet another fight with the hubby.  You would think that he would want me to be in shape.  You would think that he would want me to be able to work off some of my stress doing something other than sucking down alcoholic beverages.  No, he thinks I want to do it so I can “flirt” and be a “social butterfly” and sleep with the first guy that tells me that I am pretty.  I give up.I told him that I didn’t want a husband who was a warden.  He says he can’t trust me but yet has given me no opportunity to prove my trustworthiness.  He tells me that I am allowed to go out with my friends anytime I want.  The problem with that is all of my friends are at the firehouse and I am not ALLOWED to go near the firehouse.  So, yeah, it is kind of hard to get together with friends.  It is a double edged sword and frankly, I am so done with fighting over the same crap over and over and over (and I am sure you are tired of hearing about it).  There was more (very mature) name calling and yelling and at one point I told him to get a divorce attorney because if this is how the rest of my life is going to be, I don’t want it.  I went to bed.  He came up and was all teary eyed and (3 drinks in) because I didn’t just agree with what he was saying, I was a cold-hearted b*tch.  So, I went to sleep.  He was up a bunch of times in the night and I really didn’t care.  If he falls asleep at work, that is his problem.  The kids were only up once in the night.  They started talking to each other at 4 am but we just let them go.

So, another joy of pure joy here at my house.  More laundry, more dishes, more of the same, every day, the monotony………..

Shoes For Big Feet Babies

Yeah, so I neglected to mention that I bought shoes for the monsters yesterday.  Size 5 shoes.  Giant shoes.

Daniel has these square, wide, brick shaped, Fred Flint-stone feet.  So, he ended up with these navy blue (bo-bo’s…sorry, not spending a ton of money on shoes for the kids…no freakin’ way…$10 is the limit!!!) sneakers with 2 Velcro straps.  Daniel always stands on his toes and I really need him to stop doing that…It just looks like it hurts.  So I put them on him while he was in the jumper and he managed to get one of them off.  He then proceeded to jump on the unshod foot.  And screamed.  He now knows that it hurts.  Some lessons, Mommy has to let the little man learn on his own.

Melissa ended up with little white high top boots.  She loves them.  She is “practicing” walking with help.  I am a little concerned about her feet as well as it seems she is turning her feet inwards.  I was a pigeon toed kid and they ended up putting this device on me with a bar across it to “straighten” my feet out.  To this day, I blame that thing on my multiple knee and ankle issues (and I am sure that all the sports I played had something to do with it).

My parents and 94 year old grandmother are currently on their way here.  They are house hunting over the next few days for their retirement home.  This should be an adventure…

The kids had me up a bunch of times in the night.  But I wasn’t really sleeping.  I made the mistake of watching “Ins.ide the T.win Tow.ers” on D.iscovery channel.  That is not something to go to sleep to.  So, I eventually shut it off and put the old ipod on.  That didn’t work either.  By 3 am, when I was up with Melissa, I just decided to go down on the couch and watch TV.  I couldn’t very well vacuum or anything.  I suppose I could have done laundry, but that is hard in the dark too.  So, I watched TV.  Hubby got up and ready and was out the door to work.  He called a few minutes ago and is not sure hwat time he will be getting home tonight.  Funny how “crazy things are” at work whenever my family is around.  They should be arriving at supper time so I have taken a nice roast out and will “attempt” to make dinner for everyone.  That is going to be up to the kids…..

ANAL RETENTIVE PAIN IN THE A**

So, the babies will be 9 months old on Wednesday. I am so proud of my babies- how they have grown and developed, despite their prematurity- and I would do anything for them.

And this probably shouldn’t bother me as much as it does-

But, this weekend, I was told by a friend, whom I will refer to as “M” that when the kids were in the NICU and I am guessing the Step Down Nursery, I was an “anal retentive pain in the a**”. This came from a NICU nurse, whom I will call “A” who did not directly care for the kids, but who I knew prior to even getting pregnant. I only saw “A” once then entire time the kids were hospitalized. “A” was so nice to my face and had always been that way. Maybe that is why I was truly shocked when I heard “A’s” comment. It takes quite a bit to shock me, but this comment did.

Maybe it is because I heard it from “M” who mentioned it as kind of an off the cuff comment. It really got to me and “M” knows how to get under my skin and push my buttons.

Yes, it is true that I have certain expectations for care for my children. It is also true that I have a medical background and may have a greater understanding of what the real situations are from a medical standpoint. Yes, I can be a pain in the a**. Hubby knows this first hand from dining out with me. I can be a manager’s worst nightmare. Perhaps that is why I have always had great success in working in the Customer Service industry. But when it comes the kids…that is not being a pain in the a**…that is being a MOTHER.

Yes, I did speak with the Clinical Coordinator regarding the unannounced changes in feeding times (we had a solid hour commute to get to the hospital and arrived to find the kids had been fed and diapered and we couldn’t hold them). I asked that I be notified of any change in their schedule, so that I could adjust my schedule accordingly. This was IGNORED…

I also spoke to her regarding the Breastfeeding Nazi, who made it very clear that if you fed your children anything other than breastmilk, you were poisoning them. She was older and very set in her ways and really was very condescending. Hubby couldn’t stand her. I mean, he has 3 daughters from his first marriage. He has done this before. WE are not 16 year old kids with zero experience.

I also requested that no “student” nurses be involved in the care of the babies. I arrived one day to find a student nurse trying to figure out how to put a diaper on for 20 minutes. Practice on a doll, kiddo….not my babies.

The Clinical Coordinator was very understanding and our experience improved greatly. Well, I guess the nurses, being catty bit*hes that they are, were just placating us. So be it.

If the worst thing that anyone can say about me is that I am anal retentive when it comes to the quality of medical care that my children receive, oh friggin’ well.

Am I a bit*h? Yeah, probably. Is “A” out of line for even telling “M” anything about our NICU stay? Yeah, I think so. Should “M” keep quiet next time? I hope so.

This has been rattling around my head for 2 days now and frankly, I want to put it to bed, so I had to get it out there.