making a decision

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

to exclude “negative” influences in my life (both in real life and online…i.e.facebook)

If I want to be stabbed in the back, I will mount a knife to a door and back into it myself.  I certainly don’t need so-called “friends” lining up to do it.

So I have “blocked” negative influences and I feel better about it.  Several of them know about my blog and if they decide that it is still any of their business to read this, that is on them.  If they are that desperate for rumor fodder….I will just pray for them.  I live in a small town and there is no real practical way to escape from all the small town “bitty hens”.

Sorry, I did not intend for this post to come across as being so negative…..

I must be in one of my moods……

Crossroads….

Image via Wikipedia

So, I sought out a job.  I interviewed and was hired on the spot.  It isn’t much.  Working in the mailroom at a famous catalog company that sells a lot of “As Seen On TV” stuff.  It is temporary.  It is part time.  My mother has agreed to watch the kids during the four hours I work Monday through Friday.

So, why am I not excited?  Why do I want to call them and decline their offer (the day before I start)?  Why am I doubting my abilities?  Why am I convinced that something bad will happen?

I have asked friends (via facebook, of course) what they think and everyone is telling me to give it a try.

But I feel like I have so much on my plate now.

I am on a new medication on top of the pro.zac and we still don’t know how that is going to work.  I am having good and “very” bad days.  The kids are full on crazy most of the time.  My house is like a 25 lb bag stuffed with 50 lbs of crap….and I am still giving stuff away on freecycle.org (including 2 double strollers this week alone).

Maybe it is because I have been out of work for more than two years.  Maybe it is that I just needed to know that I “could” get a job.

I am so confused and don’t know what my next move should be.  Do I have what it takes to work again and still try to raise my babies, keep my house clean, cook for all of us and keep my husband happy?

Any thoughts?  Anyone still reading?  I know, I am the worst blogger ever……